And now, for some fashion advice

You will not believe the number of times I’m seized with the urge to walk up to total strangers and offer to help them (for free!) out of their fashion disasters.

Since I now have a "voice", instead of accosting random people on a daily basis, I figured I’d let it all out here!

A lot of us (myself, definitely included!) love our food more than we love the gym so........love handles are inevitable. BUT, they can be camouflaged!!!

Firstly get yourself trousers that fit right. Get a nice wide waistband that’ll skim over those love handles and keep everything in place. Hipsters are not your friend, low-rise is the enemy!!

Make sure they are the right length. If you’re over 18, stepping on your trousers isn’t cool. Find a tailor to get them to just the right length if, like me, the fit in the hip translates to about 4 inches excess length!!

Secondly, get clothes in the right fabric. Why would you want to wear something clingy and unforgiving that highlights all those lumps and bumps in your silhouette that you know you don’t like? Stick to fabrics that glide over you instead of attempting to become a second skin.

Be appropriate at all times. Seriously, a cocktail event is just that. It is not ok to rock up in jeans. I don’t care if they’re skinnier than your average runway model and paired with a $4,000 top (yes, people wear tops that cost that much apparently!). You are still wearing jeans to my cocktail event and I DO NOT LIKE IT!!!! Similarly, meeting the prospective parents in law and family for the first time in a cleavage baring, figure hugging, smaller than your average handkerchief type dress is also a no-no. As is wearing a bikini top and shorts to go grocery shopping. I know this is Africa, but that doesn’t make it right!!

Please be nice to the makeup. I think I could write a whole book about makeup gone wrong. I accept that it is sometimes hard to find the colour palette that exactly matches our skin tone. For instance my skin has a yellow undertone while a lot of products for black people have a reddish base but with persistence I found the right products and you can too. Please do not wear makeup that is wrong for you just because it was available!

This is in danger of degenerating into a mega rant so I’ll quit while I’m still being helpful.

Later!